Expert: Azure - 3/17/2005

Question
I'm 19 years old and my name is Samantha. I am currently engaged to a man my age who I have been with for a year and 9 months. We are living together with his family. Everything is great except he is kind of controling. He always says I am cheating on him which i'm not. He doesn't want me to go out with friends except with him. He does not hit me or anything like that but I don't understand why he can be so jealous. He never puts me down or calls me names. He is romantic. He will put me first before him but it is just his jealousy that gets in the way. We both have cheated on each other in the past but we both got over that and are really in a serious commited relationship. What do you think I should do to stop this and make things better?

Answer
nineteen, already living together, controlling, possessive guy, can't go with friends...not good; before you go any further, make sure this is how you want to live, because chances are it will get WORSE, not better; guys with this amount of insecurity almost never change; your only chance is to stand up for your rights/desires; inform him that if you want to go out with friends, you're GOING, or he can find someone else's life to control; same for all the other words/behaviors that you feel are unjustified--just let him know that all that baloney has to STOP, that you're not a possession of his, and that you'll no longer continue to live like that; if he refuses to cooperate, which is probably the case, then you can determine if you want to live a life of quiet desperation with him, or move on to a hopefully healthier arrangement with someone else..don't settle for less than you deserve..ps doesn't sound like love (which i define as a "giving") to me..