Expert: Azure - 10/28/2005

Question
Hi.  I am a 22 year old women asking about a 29 year old guy.  during the summer I got to know the man who did my lawn.  We always flirted and he especially loved my daughter.  After about 4 months he finally asked me out and I was thrilled.  The first few days he wanted to be with me every night (yes- I slept with him right away).  Now, after a few weeks, it is to the point where he does call me every day- and usually numerous times a day..but hardly ever makes plans with me.  Sometimes he will, but then end up blowing me off.  I got tired of it and told him to stop calling me, that I wanted to end the "whatever it was" cause it wasn't worth being treated like that.  He told me that he was sorry and that I didn't deserve to be treated like that, and that I could always call him if I needed anything bla bla bla...then about 3 days later he calls and says "ok are you still mad at me?"  I was confused but I did miss him terribly and it was nice to hear his voice after so many days, and we ended up talking for an hour (which has never happened on the phone before..usually 3-4 min. conversations).  He won my heart over again and we started talking again and being with each other a little (to do some errands; once to have sex).  Things were getting better but then last night he started his blowing me off again.  he called me and he was out but it was a "secret" as to where it was.  he told me he would call me when he got home but never did (as usual).  I really love this man and dont know if I am just expecting too much, and need to accept things and take them slow, or if he is being a jerk.  I thought it was more like he just wasn't that into me but everytime i get mad and open the door to break things off, he starts acting like he does like me and then i get confused!! what do you think? thanks!

Answer
i think he either has a wife/girlfriend, or is only interested in you for convenient, casual sex, or both; one thing's for sure, he's certainly comfortable jerking you around amidst his blatant inconsideration; plus, i doubt you've inquired as ASSERTIVELY as you should of (like DEMANDING explanations), regarding all these examples of insensitive behavior; in essence, he's getting away with this stuff because you're ALLOWING him to; your choices are to just dump the jerk, or figure out a way to KNOW/TRUST him/his life, including getting a TRUTHFUL explanation of is antics, (if even possible), ascertaining if he's even INTERESTED in a REAL relationship (which i doubt), informing him of your new REQUIREMENTS, and not settling for less than you deserve (i.e. just ONE more thing, and he's history)...ps i'd choose choice 1..