Expert: David Simonsen - 11/28/2007

Question
David, you help me to focus on my marriage and I will try my best.  You help me to get down to the root of my problem of getting into this affair.  Yes, I have to rebuild my marriage.  My husband and I are still very close in every way.  I just feel something is missing, like the sparkling and he lacks of showing me attention that I desire.  

The fact that my career is ahead of his may bother me.  I care about other's comment on our accomplishments and I am ahead of the game in education and career.  I wish he would be a more successful man and I had been trying to encourage him for the past 10 years.  But he recently told me that he only enjoy to be a good husband and father.  Job to him is to bring home the bacon.  I have hard time accepting his answer.  I think it's important for everyone to have one's identity beside take roles like husband and father.  I focus on building up my career and myself.  

He loves me that I know.  But because I have been available to him for 10 years already, he doesn't give me the feeling that I am wanted.  Let's say that I would like to have more attention than he has been giving me.  I am trying very hard to redevelop the feeling with him.  I have sex with him more often these days.  Just that the other man would pop up in my mind occasionally and I try to stop that.


Answer
Many women long for a man whose main focus is being a husband and father. You inability to truly respect that and honor it it most likely what causes the problems in your marriage. I would suggest you look to yourself and see why you don't value that yourself. Being a mom and wife is honorable, yet is something that you seem to devalue. Why is that? Good luck on finding the answer.
David
www.help4life.net