Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 12/17/2006

Question
I have been with this girl for about 6 months now, the story starts like this. She was previously in a abusive relationship. She was engaged and in love and actually pregnant. He started to beat her for everything , shirts not ironed etc... he would beat her. She lost the baby do to a miscarage. Her outer family and friends,*Macedonian Circle* asked her... why aren't you good enough for a man whats wrong with you? Her immediate family stuck bye her and defended her, not as they should of but just enough.

Present...
I am deeply in love with this women, I would run to all lengths to secure her happiness. Everything was rolling around smoothly and nice, writing names on Xmas gifts from the 2 of us going out daily, just saying I love you to one another. Every so often she would cry and ask me why she cant be as strong as I am, why cant I share my strength with her. I would comfort her and tell her that all will be ok I am here, I wont leave you. She has now begun questioning everything I say, as if it has no meaning and it is just randomized words trying to get a reaction of some sort, with no feeling or real sentiment in it. On Sunday I asked her, Can you let go of your past, let it go for us. So we can move forward and you can breathe free. I told her I cant fight with ghosts I cant see and people I don't know. I want to help her but she wont let me in, and that I am always here for her whenever always. She limits me from getting near her core always and it hurts. the next day I called her to see how she was, She told me  ** I'm going away for New Years * * I think we need time apart. I just said wow , wtf? She replied. . . I don't need this I don't need any of this, all your bullcrap and hallmark shit I don't need. Cry me a river she said, are you done now?

I don't know wtf to think, I know I haven't done anything wrong and never offended her or came at her with any intentions of anger or anything to get any reaction lik this from her the entire time I have known her. I feel so hurt myself now, and I want to help her. She is my better half when she is herself. She hasn't believed in anything in a long time. She cant see anything other then what she feels herself or knows. What should I do, I don't want to just say ok fine I will leave, *thinking to myself that she is doing it out of defense to push me away** doing just that I think I would prove to her that I am just another person to leave her and not stay bye her. I will endure all the pain I can take to help her in anyway. More sleepless nights, going to bed not eating from nerves. I want to help her but I don't know how, I cant really talk to her ATM without her trying to mock me or strongly comment on things to hurt me or get a rise out of me. What should I do?

Answer
Dear Hobbes

Falling in love with an emotionally damaged woman is a difficult thing to manage. There are two ways to handle it, (1) accept her as she is and give her lots of space (meaning let her have her time alone without questions) or (2) decide the pain isn't worth it and go your own way. The most important thing for you is to find the strength to be yourself no matter what anybody else thinks or says. You have caught a tiger by the tail and you have to be the one that decides if it is worth it or not.