Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 8/18/2006

Question
A bit of history.  My husband and I married 9 years happily.  Monday he went snooping on my computer and found that I put a profile on adultfreind finder.  I hadnt been on in a while and i really was being nosey.  I never cheated on him.  He blew up said he was leaving and i ruinded his live(we have 3 kids together) and I was a sex fien but i thought you had to have sex to be a fein he told me he wanted to be with someone else who is not in the the internet stuff.  He made love to me held me and said he loved me other wise he would have said nothing and that was monday here it is friday and hadnt said a word to me or the kids wont even be on the same floor of the house with the rest of us. Silent.  I feel like I ruined my marraige i am still in love with him and I dont know how to win at the silent treatment.  He has done this before and came around after 2 days but I always feel like i failed.  How do I win?  I love him

Answer
Dear AJ

I believe you owe your husband an apology. You may not have physically cheated on him but you certainly cheated on him emotionally and mentally. What were you thinking? He has every right to be upset with you. You need to decide whether you want to be in this relationship or not. You win by asking for forgiveness and not repeating behavior that dishonors your marriage. And you should be ready to accept the consequences of your behavior, which may include divorce.