Expert: Azure - 12/9/2006

Question
I don't really know how to start this. I have been in a relationship with this man for about eight months.. i am twenty nine with two daughters he is thirty four with one daughter. I was divorced a year ago because my husband wouldn't stop cheating on me. Don't hold it against him though, we were babies when we got married and love each other a lot, just not in love. This new guy is a self made successful land and business owner, he needs to be in charge and things need to be done the right way or he gets really mad. I am a writer, very scattered, disorganized and relaxed on everyday matters. The thing is this. I am soooo in love with him. He is, to me the most beautiful thing in the world, and he truly knows me better than anyone else, but I drive him crazy. I can't talk to friends he doesn't approve of, which is all of them, he is constantly on me about my whereabouts, he doesn't trust me as far as he could throw me. And he gets REALLY mean. Tells me to shut the F$#%$#%# up, calls me a liar, that I don't deserve him, that he will never commit. But only when he is angry, on the other hand, his father is his best friend, he had a heart attack and he had to go be with him in a hosppital a few hours away. On my birthday he drove up for ten minutes to give me the most unbelievably thoughtful birthday present only to have to turn around and drive back. He makes me feel so smart and so beautiful, and at the same time says he wishes I wasn't and he means it. He would be rid of me if he could, I cause too much stress for him just because of who I am. But the connection is unbelievable, unbelievable. and the sex, oh my god. Should I just cut my losses because there doesn't seem to be a future? or should i hang in there because I can't imagine ever feeling like this again?

Answer
let's see--possessive, controlling, abusive, mean, insulting, disrespectful, no commitment--sounds like a real winner, and one birthday present won't change any of it; this is being held together by co-dependency, insecurity and sex; the advice: leave and hurt a little now, or leave later and hurt alot more..