Expert: Azure - 7/25/2006

Question
I grew up in a household with an abusive alcoholic father and a mother who regretted having me and who I was never able to be good enough to make her happy.  I have seen a therapist and dealt with many of my problems and for the most part am doing very well in my life but I still seem to date the wrong guys.  I would really like to be in a long term relationship but I always seem to be attracted to guys that don't want anything more than to sleep with me.  This isn't what I want but even when I find out that this is all they want it makes them much more attractive to me.  I'm wondering if there is something I can do for myself to help with this or if I should go back to seeing a therapist.  I started to feel like the last therapist I was seeing wasn't really helping me anymore and haven't wanted to find someone new and explain my whole life story again.

Thanks for any advice you may have.


Answer
knowing you're making them happy in at least some fashion, which provides you with at least a stop-gap shot of self-esteem, may be one reason you're drawn to them; aside from more therapy, the "do it yourself" approach would have you reject the impulse and not sleep with them unless/until they demonstrate real interest in YOU; if you're attractive, chances are most guys will want to have sex--i don't know you well enough to know why they're, so far,  not also interested in a real relationship; sometimes making the right choice is simply deciding what's best for you, and using willpower to have your better judgment trump any other feeling/emotionally backed demand..eventually, if you stay patient, positive, prepared, and don't give in to the wayward impulse, you'll meet a nice guy, and feel better about yourself; in the end, it's all about self-esteem..(u might want to consider readings on the subject); also, see if u can find "a conscious person's guide to relationships", by keyes.. ps, if interested, ask about "dating coach" services..