Expert: Azure - 12/26/2006

Question
i raise a daughter who in retrospect ruled the roost, wanted and got things her way and now-- i have a 22 year old selfish and moody daughter who loses it easily with loved ones. I am most concerned now about the dynamics she creates with boyfriends who are important to her. She can be sweet as sugar but when someone does something, says something etc.. that does not fit her expectations at the moment she gets very moody, rude and nasty- her current boyfriend and she appear to be in love and i think he is beginning to be hurt by her and i am watching this relationshop unfold in front of my eyes. I know what he is seeing--and while I as her mother will obviously not walk awa„ from her, I am worried that she will lose him. I watch his reactions to her behavior and wonder what to do- do I try to approach her and discuss what she is doing to her relationships or do I mind my own business and watch her life fall apart in front of my  eyes. She is a beautiful, smart, personable and talented young woman with so much to be grateful for. Backround-- a dad who I am divorced from, but who has the same personality as my daughter. What to do? Please advise me as this as I feel so badly for what is likely to become of my daughters life if she continues to treat people that she loves in this way. Thank you.

Answer
it gets a little tricky when attmpting to tell a strong-willed daughter how to live her life; under the circumstances, i'd still attempt to share your concerns--the key is coming across as supportive, caring, understanding, concerned, not controlling and authoritarian; preface your observations with dialog of this nature..hopefully she'll interpret your motives as positive, but don't expect it, nor look for any immediate behavioral changes; those things might require counseling..