Expert: David Simonsen - 12/6/2007

Question
I have been in a relationship with the father of my son for almost 2 years. My son is 11 months. Cezar (the father) for almost 2 years has been treating me like shit. I spent the majority of my pregnancy alone... Cause he was out with his friend (a girl). Told me so many lies… and I mean so many LIES… and at a few points grabbed me and pushed me around. He at one point called me at 4 in da morning to get me to come puck him up cause he was pulled over and when I showed up he was with a girl. They were in a dark parking lot in her truck. Doing I don't know what... he says nothing happened.. but he’s good at the lies.  I have had to endure his emotional abuse and ranting that I was crazy for wanting him home at a decent hr. and not spending more time with these girls than with me. I have recently started seeing an old flame. I didn’t hide it from Cezar. I was honest…And said that I am interested in him. Now all of a sudden he is home every night and saying that he loves me and how wonderful I am and how he now realizes what he did to me… and he shouldn’t have been gone all those nights.  Please keep in mind that there was so much of this emotional abuse that I don’t know if I want to continue this relationship.  He's great right now but I don’t know if it will last. He said that he was moving out for like a year and now he's saying that he's not even after I have expressed my feelings.  What do I do? Do I try and work it out or move on.

Answer
And all the while your 11 month-old is stuck with the both of you. Doesn't that seem a bit unfair. Instead of focusing on your love life I would suggest you get to a stable place and start focusing on your son. A stable place would be with your parents or a relative. Your shack up is probably going to go out on you again. So getting stability for your son should be your number one priority. Your current honey does not sound stable. Hooking up with an ex-honey does not sound stable either for your kid.
David