Expert: Azure - 11/11/2005

Question
ive been in a relationship for 3 years now(im 21) with a girl i met online. we fell head over heals in love with each other and everything was great for like 4 months until unforseen circumstances caused to be apart even though things were fantastic. well 6 months later we happily got back to together and thingswere great for a while then started going downhill, but it was because of me, for the first time ever in a relationship i started verbally abusing her and treating her like garbage alot, id call her mean names for no reason, tell her to leave, just all around mess with her head and we stuck out even though things got worse for over the last year and i finally realized i needed and wanted to change, because we have a child together, and i love her sooo much, so i asked for us to have a break so i can get help and change so things would work, and i have dramatically turned over a new leaf, and she was reluctant but i got her to do it. while on hiatus like mabye 3 weeks i find out she got intrest in another man at her work, she says he makes her feel good about herself, that now shes confused and doesnt know what she wants anymore, but wants to believe im changed, but cant believe me because of all the lies and abuse. were talking and im trying so hard to make her feel special again so shell trust me and believe me but she is confusing me, well spend a intimate wonderfull loving night together, then the next day shes back to the confused thing and goes to see the other guy and ignores me..what gives? what do i need to do to make her trust me? things were sooooo good and im hurting so bad at the thought of her permanently leaving me for him.  

Answer
you can't "make" her do anything; the best thing you can do is temporarily step aside, give her the time and space she needs to figure out what SHE wants, and not see her until she knows what she's doing; to see her under these "battle of the boyfriends" conditions, depletes your self-esteem, makes you look weak/needy, and will only cause you emotional distress; back off until she makes some type of decision; in the meantime, since she's dating, do the same..