Expert: Druideck - 1/10/2008

Question
I took my partne back when he had reach rock bottom and needed help, I took him back on the condition that he sought proffessional help, he attended 1 AA meeting - I think he was embaressed to attend again, because he said he could do it on his own.  For a while Ithink he did, then his personality began to change - he became more distant, aggitated, aloof, when I tried to ask he denied it.  recently we got engaged - two days later he walked out. How do I move on? I know I can not help any further, I have nothing left, am emotionally exhausted.

Thanks

Linzi

Answer
Linzi,

I know how difficult this situation is since
I have been there too.
Your partner may or may not recover anytime soon
as we can not see the future.
You are in a position of being the helper here,
but who helps you? Alcoholics often have trouble
with feeling embarrased about getting help.
They don't seem as embarrased about their drinking
and the behaviour it causes.
You can question him, love him, hate him, nag him
and make him admit things but if he recovers
it will be when he seeks help seriously for himself.
Recovery doen't come just because you try to help.
You need to take care of yourself, seek help
to let go and let your partner do whatever he
plans to do. Let him come face to face with his
problem without your helping involvement.
He did not keep his first agreement with you to seek
professional help seriously and failed to keep it up.
You will keep getting empty promises until
the day he decides to accept his alcohol problem
and get help. Are you willing to wait a week,
a month, a year or a lifetime?
It will be your decision and your life at stake.
My wife left me before I got desparate enough to
seek help, then I got sober. Some wive's stay
and it eventually works out but percentages are low.
It is a sad drama played
out in millions of alcoholic relationships yearly.