Expert: Druideck - 1/28/2008

Question
hello Druideck,
My son is 24 and an alcoholic.  He is currently living with me.  I tried to help with his finances, but of course that didn't work.  He drinks & drives, binge drinks at least once a week, misses work, gets "flu" like symptoms, etc.  I'd want him to move out, as I can't help him right now.  What are your thoughts?
Many thanks,
sad mom

Answer
Heather,

I know this is a hard situation to be in as
your feelings get pulled one way and the other.

We have compassion for our children but can't
stand watching them ruin their lives.

The more we try to help an active alcoholic
the longer it takes them to see their problem.

Alcoholism is an illness of denial and often
the alcoholic can't believe he has a problem,
he is sure everybody else does though.

Helping with finances is something I would
only do for an alcoholic if he was serious
about his recovery. This would mean possibly
seeing an alcohol counsellor, and /or getting
into some rehab or treatment. For myself
I tried all those and ended up at AA.
This is the path that helped me most as there
was continuous support from sober people.

My own recovery started when I had no one
to help me out of jams.
No one to borrow from, no one to fight with,
no one to console me when my head hurt.

Sometimes you have to make a plan that includes
options for getting help and maybe a place to stay.

Stick rigidly to the ultimatim this plan should include
like "No drinking in my home" "Must attend alcohol councilling and/or AA meetings regularly."

If he has no intentions of quitting, things will
almost certainly get worse and any help will be wasted.

If this is the circumstance, give him a choice of
getting help or getting out. Don't accept any other
option as it will fail.

If you have had enough you may have to make a plan
to have him out for your own health and sanity.

Alcoholism cannot be stopped or controlled by anybody,
so don't feel bad. No amount of threatening, bribing,
or caring can make it stop. I could not stop
for any amount of love or compassion, I sought help when my life hit bottom in every way possible.
Sad but true. But I recovered and it is possible for
anyone.