Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 10/18/2008

Question
Hi, I wanted to know how I can make my boyfriend see he has a problem. He is only 19 but he loves to drink and it has been gretting worse. He feels compelled to drink not for the fun but to forget his worries but it puts a strain on me when he is out late nights never calls and I worry but ever time I bring it up he gets mad. I dont know if I am bringing it up the wrong way or what to do anymore. Please help me. I have a 1 year old with it and the fighting has to end. I really dont want to fight but he jsut gets so defensive like I cant say anything. I live with him and I really do love him but I will leave him. This is my last hope before I walk out the door. so please help me.

Answer
Hello Alexa,
First of all, it is a very healthy sign for you that you are seeking help to directly address your boyfrind's alcohol problem. Many people in your situation avoid dealing with such an issue. But, I must say that it is a difficult task to try to "make your boyfriend see he has a problem." Denial in an alcoholic (assuming your boyfriend is an alcoholic: tension in a relationship around drinking, drinking in the face of adverse consequences, and defensiveness when confronted about drinking are all signs of a problem) is very powerful. The most you can do is, caringly, when he is sober, clearly state the facts supporting your position that his drinking is a problem, and then, if you are ready to do so, state that the relationship will have to be put on hold until he has addressed his drinking problem and has been problem free for a significant period of time. You may wish to check out Al-Anon, the 12 Step program for those in a realtionship with an alcoholic: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Good luck,
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com