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Question
I have been sober for 13 months and I am very active in AA. In recent weeks, the slightest little thing seems to make me sad. Often a song, an old photograph of my deceased parents, thoughts of a lost love will make me cry. Could this related to my sobriety? Or is it just , most likely a NEW depression problem? My emotions just seem to be on overdrive.
Greetings to you, Dave.
In an overall sense, sadness stems from the area of expectations in relation to our natural needs and instincts for security, safety, fellowship and so on ... and that ultimately leads us back toward learning to see and accept reality as it is. For example: I have no parents in my life even though both are still alive, but that estrangement no longer causes difficulty for me because I have come to understand why our lack of interaction could be no different apart from significant change on their parts, and because I am now much more realistic about where I “look for love”, so to speak ... and the bottom line there is ultimately found in the essence of this:
“Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power [to deliver], Thy Love [in provision], and Thy Way of life [in right fellowship and worship].” (“Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book, page 63)
You have written:
>> I have been sober for 13 months and I am very active in AA.
As you are now learning if you do not already know, sobriety only addresses the matter of the “physical allergy” of alcoholism, and “very active in AA” is not enough to address the matters of our natural instincts and desires to the point of permanent recovery. However, I do realize what you have said might not be a comprehensive statement.
>> In recent weeks, the slightest little thing seems to make me sad ...
>> Could this [be] related to my sobriety?
Again, being sober does not address our mental, emotional or spiritual issues. However, yes, sobriety surely can aggravate them ... and that is why so many people in today’s AA end up drinking again: untreated alcoholism.
>> Or is it just most likely a NEW depression problem?
All of this might add up to a new problem with depression, but there is nothing new actually going on here. Whenever we are disturbed, there is something wrong inside (12 & 12), and the Steps are about resolving the underlying issues.
>> My emotions just seem to be on overdrive.
You need someone to help you though the Steps in the original A.A. way, and I would gladly do that for you if you are interested.
Please know you are always welcomed to write.
Joseph Lee O.
Email: leejosepho@hotmail.com
Forum: http://xsorbit28.com/users5/restored/
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Answers by Expert:
Joseph Lee O.
Expertise
Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.
Experience
The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken.
Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along.
At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ...
... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.
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