Expert: Amarnath.B - 10/20/2008

Question
My husband has been to rehab. while there, he learned about prescription drugs and has easily  obtains thm from our family doctor.he's tried AA many times, but someone suggested marijuana..and actually provided it after a meeting. he's gone from beer to a small bottom of rum(which i could easily smell) to a huge bottle of vodka. when he drinks he is eathier mellow or he goes into a rage.my 3 children close their door and hope he won't pick 1 of them to scream at.we own our own business.he has great employees that cover for him when he isn't there or can't function.he has left us MANY times.but we are always decieved. i've tried to acept and be sweet.and i've most often been ugly.but i can't find anything to work.the closest alanon is 1 1/2 hours away.his parents blame me and so my 15 yr old son is starting to also. please advise me.

Answer
Hello Janet,

Yes, I can understand your predicament. This is a common scenario in many an alcoholic home.  Al-Anon is a great help and even though it is far like you say, you should try to make the meetings and at least get in touch with one of the members.

Now, the first thing that you should do is to not get affected by what other people say.  This kind of blame game go on in an alcoholic home and usually it is the wife who has to bear all the brunt.  It is high time you keep your husband away for sometime till he comes to his senses, realizes his mistakes, and may be when he sobers up you can think about getting back together.  You need some time off now. Stand your ground and be firm about the decisions that you take.  You have every right to lead a peaceful life of your own. It looks like your husband does not have the desire yet to stop any kind of substance abuse. For some, till they really hit rockbottom nothing really matters not even wife and children.  

So, move on Janet.  Leave your husband alone for a while till he comes to his senses.  This is only a suggestion and not an advice.  You can either take it or leave it. But, please go to Al-Anon.  This is the only place where you can get real help from people who have gone through the same predicament like yours.

I hope things work out for you.  God bless



Amarnath