Expert: Clyde - 11/22/2008

Question
I will try to make this as to the point as possible. I have a brother that is an alcholic but does not think he has a problem. He has recently lost his family, his job and been incarcerated. He has some programs he needs to complete in order to see his children and he is doing what he needs to do to complete them, however, it is only a front. My question, I have given him rides to court, to the unemployment office, probation etc.. Some people tell me that I am enabling him by doing these things. I have not and will not give him money, alcohol or drive him to anywhere to drink. Even though he continues to drink, is helping him out with things other than means to drink enabling? I have some people telling me, I should not speak with him or have contact with him until he gives up the drinking. Any thoughts you can give will be appreciated.


Answer
Terry,
    Thank you for your question and it is a good one.  Let me first say that I commend your generosity and compassion for the down and out of society.  That is certainly where your brother is headed.

    That being said, I would suggest that you ask God for the answer to your involvement. The folks giving you advice is all well and good and I am sure that they mean well, but ultimately we must reach the serenity in our own souls as to what we should and should not be doing.  It is sort of similar to the Book of Job in the Bible - these friends of Job thought they had the answer and they tried very hard to convince old Job that God had abandoned him and he should abandon God as well.  Job did not.

   You have the right idea - no money and no enabling the DRINKING.  But it is all grace for your brother to receive your help in these times.  An AA'er (Alcoholics Anonymous person) is probably better to do this since they would be able to share their own demise with him and how they have surmounted the drink.  It would build a more trusting relationship.  You, if you are not an alcoholic, do not understand what he is facing.  Alcoholism is "cunning, baffling, and powerful" we say in AA.  This is the reason why you would want to prayerfully consider your attempts to be helpful.  Maybe he needs to sink lower than he is now and be led to AA and people who have "been there done that."

    I believe that down in their souls this is what the friends are meaning - he needs to face the bitter reality that he will die if he does not find it within himself and get some help.

    I hope this helps and write anytime.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde