Expert: Clyde - 11/10/2008

Question
my husband is an alcohol, i have left him several times and keep going back due to financial reasons. we have 2 children and he just doesn't care enough to quit or at least try.  He has tried 100 times with no sucess. Help please

Answer
Pam,
    Thank you for contacting me about this situation.  I feel your pain and your frustration watching as your husband self-destructs.  It is not easy and it is not pretty.

    Until your husband buys into the fact that he is in the grips of a disease known as alcoholism, there is not much hope.  An alcoholic drinks for a lot of different reasons, mainly out of fears.  Those fears are far-ranging and they often run deeply into the psyche of the individual.  It takes much personal honesty and work to break through these and achieve a new alcohol-free life.  If he ever reaches a point of desperation, which we in Alcoholics Anonymous call our "bottom", then he has a chance to really look at the destruction he has created and continues to create through his drinking.

    You do not say but I would hope that some of the 100 attempts have been through the rooms of AA.  At least that way he has some idea of the 12-steps of the program and has met some recovering folks who have given up the alcohol for this new life.  If not, suggest ONCE that he check out Alcoholics Anonymous.  He has to WANT to change and he has to do the footwork to get to a meeting on his own.  You can not do that for him.  In those rooms he will meet with people who can understand where he is in his drinking and get some help from them to make his own break.

    Aside from that, unfortunately, you can not do much else.  Knowing what I have said about fears, perhaps watch for these in your husband and try to help alleviate some of these as best you can unbeknownst to him.

    I wish I had a better prognosis, but I do not.  I will hold you and your family, especially your husband in my prayers.

    Write again if I may answer some more questions for you.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde