Expert: Clyde - 11/18/2008

Question
This question will be a different and perhaps you cannot give an answer. I understand.  My boyfriend is a recovered alcoholic. His addictive personality seems to have affected him in a different way.  I have been dating him for 2 years and he is still "addicted" to his ex-wife.  I know alcoholics usually need to hit rock bottom to face recovery.  He knows he has to stop communicating with her.  I think he needs me to break up with him and stop enabling him in order for him to break his addiction.  Do you agree?

Answer
Kristi,
    Thank you for your contacting Allexperts.com regarding this situation.  Addictive personality disorder does affect alcoholics in other ways other than substance abuse.  It is but a symptom of our disease.

    You do not say enough about his behaviors with his ex-wife to begin to assess if an "addictive" tendency is there.  There can be all sorts of reasons why he still contacts her and why he feels the need to do do.  It could be simply that down deep inside he still cares for her alot, maybe even loves her, or that he has some deep-seated guilt which he is not ready to clear away.

    Your decision to break up with him is your decision alone.  It can not be predicated on the influence of a third party.  That is "triangling" and is not a healthy thing to be doing.  If you are frustrated with the situation and feel that it is either unworkable or that it will never change, then leaving may be the thing to do.  

    Without more information it is too difficult to suggest more.

    Write anytime.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde