Expert: Beverley Glazer - 11/24/2008

Question
Ok, i am about to get married in 5 days and the guy i am with has been drinking since we met about 7 months ago. Things are great and we are really happy with each other.  he is not abusive or anything like that.  however, he drinks every night.  and on the weekends, he drinks until he falls asleep.  that has been like that for the past couple months.  he always says he just had a few glasses of whiskey but then i look at the bottle and the whole thing is almost empty.  he keeps saying he is going to stop and its going to take time.  he has said that for a while.  but it is the same thing weekend after weekend.  i feel very alone on the weekends.  i work my butt off during the week hoping to spend time with him and he does this.  he apologizes every monday after he realizes he drank and slept the whole weekend.  is he an alcoholic or is just my imagination?  i keep telling him maybe he should go to AA, but i don't want to sound like i don't know what i am talking about.  i don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone like this.  i am on 24 years old.  i kind of imagined me marrying someone who would want to spend time with me, you know?

Answer
Hi Sara,

Yes it sounds like your fiance is an alcoholic, but if you want further evidence, these tests on my site will be helpful: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/alcohol-abuse.html

I'm sure your fiance is sorry for his behavior, but that's not good enough. You must give him an ultimatum. He must go to AA meetings get addiction counseling (or both) before you get married.

You are young, hard working, and deserve to have a partner who would like nothing better that to spend time with you. Although your fiance doesn't realize it, he spends more time with the bottle. It's best to make the decision now. Once you're married it's much more complicated to leave.

I hope this information is helpful. Thanks for writing AllExperts.

Wishing you the best

Beverley Glazer
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com