Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 11/10/2008

Question
Hi, I've been married for three months to a wonderful caring man. We dated for 3 months before we got married, during those three months we went out alot so we drank, partied which I thought was normal until the night of our wedding,he really didn't eat much that day since we were running around all day, that night he started drinking beer then I noticed we was drinking vodka by then end of the night he was falling all over the place, started throwing things around, totally lost control. It was suppose to be the best of my life and ended being the worse day of my life. I was so embarrassed and of course there was no honeymoon.
At first I thought ok he just got drunk, then once living together he would have one or two beers after work, then the weekend came we would go out have fun dancing by the end of the night he was drunk had to carry him home. Some weeks he was better than others, sometimes he would not drink during the week and maybe one night in the weekend. I don't what to do, he's been to AA meeting since he had a DUI. I love him but I don't know how to help him.
Help!

Answer
Hello Cindy,
It is a healthy sign that you are seeking help rather than avoiding the issue of your husband's drinking. While I do not have enough information about your husband's drinking to diagnose him with certainty as an alcoholic, there are strong indications that he is, as evidenced by  a pattern of the following behaviors: loss of control, negative personality changes, tension in your relationship, damage to reputation, plus the DUI (a significant number of DUI offenders have diagnosable alcohol problems). It is not so much how often a person drinks, but the negative consequences when he does drink. I think it important to have a calm conversation with your husband when he is sober, in which, with love, you state specifically the concerns you have about his drinking, let him know the behaviors are unacceptable, and that, for the sake of your relationship, because you love him, he must stop drinking and seek help. I recommend that you explore Al-Anon, the Twelve Step Program for those in a relationship with an alcoholic: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Good luck.
Jan Edward Williams, MS. JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com