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Addiction to Alcohol/My son is killing himself with alcohol
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My son drinks 1/2 gallon of vodka every couple days. I want him to get help. He has been to AA meetings, but feels it doesn't help as they preach God and he says he doesn't believe in God. He is barely making it financially so has no money to get help other ways. Is there any type of rehab or detox he can do? He can't really afford those high prices places, but he needs to be in some place, where he can't get alcohol. His job has said if he is in a rehab type program, they will hold his job for him, but what type of place can he go to. He will absolutely not go to AA. I've talked to him about it. He's willing to go somewhere(other than AA) if I can find something for him, but as I said, he really has no money. Please help. I don't want to see my son drink himself to death.
Greetings to you, Tracie.
It sounds to me like your son has you dancing around quite a bit, and the best thing you can do for him is to just let him go on and do as he wishes for just as long as he can possibly stand it. If or when he might ever come to a place where he actually wants to stop drinking and is willing to do whatever it takes to get well, he will stop arguing about how that might actually come about.
You have written:
>> I want him to get help.
I understand, but your son is only going to do what *he* wants.
>> ... he doesn't believe in God.
That does not matter. After dealing with Step One, and Step One is by far the most difficult, Step Two amounts to nothing more than simply this:
“We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. ‘Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, there is a Power greater than myself?’ As soon as a man can say he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.” (“Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book, page 47)\
>> He is barely making it financially ...
>> Is there any type of rehab or detox he can do?
>> He can't really afford those high-prices places ...
Anything for which he would have to pay money will ultimately prove to be of no value to him. So, please do not waste any of your money on any kind of alleged “treatment”.
>> ... he needs to be in some place, where he can't get alcohol.
No, shielding him from temptation is not going to be helpful. Rather, he first needs a desire to stop drinking, and he then needs to experience spiritual reconciliation and transformation by taking the Twelve Steps. Truly, there is absolutely no other way for any real alcoholic to ever permanently recover from chronic alcoholism.
>> He's willing to go somewhere (other than AA) if I can find something for him ...
Stop dancing to the tune of his fiddle and just hand him a copy of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book, then tell him there is not enough money in the world to provide anything better. That is exactly what my own mother did for me in 1981, and that is the bottom-line truth of the matter.
>> I don't want to see my son drink himself to death.
Nobody wants to ever see anyone drink himself or herself to death, but neither can anyone stop an alcoholic from doing so.
Does your son have a desire to stop drinking?
Joseph Lee O.
Email: leejosepho@hotmail.com
Forum: http://xsorbit28.com/users5/restored/
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Answers by Expert:
Joseph Lee O.
Expertise
Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.
Experience
The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken.
Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along.
At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ...
... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.
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