Expert: Clyde - 11/10/2008

Question
Hey Clyde,
Thanks for your advice last time. If u remember, last time, I was living and working with my boyfriend and found out he was an alcohlic soon after I moved in. He would belittle me, try to control me and eventually I had enuff after he made a drunken scene in a resturaunt bcuz I wouldn't drive home with him. Now that I'm living with my wonderful caring aunt abbd uncle, I have begun to heal, but my EX boyfriend that I still work with, I'm afraid, acts as if I went off the deep end and over reacted to the situation. He jokes about getting a uhaulb and moving my stuff back and tries to give me guilt trips about it. The jerk even texts me pics of my puppy he gave me that I had to leave behind with the caption"mama come home I miss you". He acts as if he expresses verbally how much he misses me and how sorry he is that I will come back. He doesn't get it that actions speak louder than words! I just want to be done with this guy and quit my job, but the economy is making it hard to find one.I am trying so hard to hang in there. Last week I was so stressed out at work I had a nervous breakdown and cried in the restroom for an hour. He is my supervisor at work, so even though I am cordial to him at work, I'm afraid its giving him false hope. He is also the big bosses golden child, so I upset my ex at work, not only will he make it hard for me, the owner won't be to thrilled either. So I am in a delicate situation. I think he thinks that I'm going to give in to him and move back in. I've told him that that is not the solution because things would bot be the same and its not the solution.  He won't get help and I know he probably never will. The 2 times I went to his house to get my mail he had beer in the fridge. He does not care about my happiness or what I want.  I want to move on with my life, but I'm not making enough money to support myself at this place! I have really got myself in a pickle!! What do yo suggest? Thanks!

Answer
Paula,
     Thank you for the follow-up to your situation.  Yes, it does sound like a pickle but let me point out some good things in the midst of it all:
1.) you are standing up for your rights to a relationship free of alcoholic behaviors, no matter the consequences!  Yes!
2.) you continue to strive to be the best you can be at work even with this supervisory mess.  Yes!
3.) You are reaching out for experience , strength and hope from people on this forum who can affirm you and offer their ideas and experiences to help you in deciding your own "next right steps." Yes!
4.)  You are wise enough to know that to re-enter this relationship as it once was would be pure hell and you'd be the loser in the game.  You aren't playing the game.  Yes!
5.)  You are evidently a good worker who this guy can't easily run off through revengeful tactics like attacking your work ethic or core personality at work.  Yes!

All these things may not be foremost in your mind but trust me, there are many, many people stuck in some really bad and awful situations much worse than yours.  You are essentially free of alcoholics in your life and you know to avoid them in the future.

I would be praying for God to direct your next career move, either within this company or some other firm.

I will keep you in my prayers and write anytime.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde