Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 12/3/2008

Question
My husband's father is an alcoholic (heavy alcoholic). Although I've not seen the behaviors one would expect with a "drunk", my husband craves alcohol and suffered from the withdrawal effects when he decided to quit drinking. He even sought the help of his doctor for medication to ease the cravings. He is now drinking the so-called non-alcoholic beverages (though they do have a small amount of alcohol)due to his cravings.

He has admitted to drinking occasionally. When I question whether he has had alcohol, he gets mad. For me, that is a defensive mechanism (and perhaps guilt) for drinking. He says he has not had a drink. He did tell me previously though that he doesn't like to disappoint me and would lie to me so that he won't upset me.

Should I be concerned? If there is no "drunk" behavior, is it bad for him to drink occasionally given his cravings?

Answer
Hello Beverly,
I think you are correct in being concerned. Although I do not have enough information to definitively diagnose your husband as an alcoholic, I can come very close. Clearly he has the genetic prediposition to develop a problem; he drank enough to experience withdrawal (sounds like physical dependence which is usually not present except in alcoholism); has cravings when not drinking; he is being dishonest about drinking; and there is tension in his relationship with you due to drinking. These signs and symptoms ARE evidence of "drunk behavior" to me. I am not sure what you mean by "drunk" behavior"; if you mean he can drink a lot without acting drunk, that would be another indicator of alcoholism, a high tolerance for alcohol. High tolerance, plus a father who is alcoholic, makes your husband, according to research, six times more likely to develop alcoholism. So you have solid grounds for concern. You may wish to consider giving my response to your husband to look at, if it's safe to do so (i.e., no anger/violence issues), and suggest he check out the online services on my website.
Good luck,
Jan Edward Williams, MD, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com