Expert: Amarnath.B - 12/17/2008

Question
QUESTION: Should I b friends with a man I was first friends with before dating. We only dated 2 months n he is an alcholic n he lied to me that was why we broke up. I am a strict whip snapping type I have little tolerance for slackers so I gave him the boot. I am secure n he is quickly sliding down I do nothing for him he is kind to me. I was wondering if I could b a bit of a friend cause I'm the only winner he knows. I am so awear of codependency n don't do a thing to help him in any way I only tell him a times what a crazy thing he is doing to himself. I remind him of how good a healthy life is n how poorly he is living his. Am I wrong to stick around or should I blow outta there????

ANSWER: Hello Joquin,

First of all you should change your perception towards an alcoholic.  An alcoholic is not a bad person or a mad person, he is a sick person.  And you should do all that is in your capacity to help him.  Help him in a positive manner by not enabling him.  That doesn't make you a co-dependent.  Be there for him because most alcoholics are lonely people and feel the world doesn't need them.

I suggest you stick around Jocquin & all you have to do is give him moral support in these trying times.


God bless


Amarnath

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Wow that was an eye opener! I thought that they were trying to suck kind hearts down the codependent road...

Answer
Jocquin,

I'm glad that you've realized that alcoholics are not bad people but sick people.  Mother Theresa once said that "alcoholics and other addicts were the most beautiful people that walked on this earth when they were sober."

God bless


Amarnath