Expert: Druideck - 12/28/2008

Question
Please Help I have a best friend who a consider as close as a sister I have known her for over 10 years and have always known that she drank alot However I have noticed lately that she appears to be drinking more and more She has two small children and on Christmas Eve She got so drunk that she passed out in the middle of the party with her pants unbuttoned and small children in the room I have tried to talk to her husband but he is in serious denial and feels that the reason she passes out(she has done this at three other holiday parties) is because she does not sleep enough. All of our other friends talk about the fact that they feel that she is a alcoholic but no one is willing to confront her and they began making excuses when I suggest we gently talk to her about it Should I say something or just wait for her to come to her own conclusions. My heart is breaking for her children and I do not want my children to be around this kind of behavior anymore Thank you

Answer
Melissa,

Alcoholism can happen to anyone but
the strong addiction and the denial
keep people drinking.

Often drinkers are not ready to
quit because the consequences
have not been enough to
shock them out of denial.

If you find her behaviour uncomfortable
I don't see why it would be a problem
to talk to her about it.

You cannot of course change another
person and alcoholics are especially
difficult to convince unless they
have hit an emotional bottom.

You might mention your concern
about her drinking but don't press
it if she seems unconcerned.
Alcoholics are very sensitive to
what they perceive as judgement or
lecturing.

If she thinks all is well you will
be wasting any energy you might
offer her in support now.
It is often these embarrasing
experiences that will eventually
make her more receptive to seeking
help. Things have to be intolerable
before drinking will be less desirable
than sticking with a recovery program
such as Alcoholics Anonymous.

If she shows any remorse or willingness
to quit drinking get her some literature or take
her to an open meeting of AA.
This may plant the seeds of recovery
even if she fails to quit at first.

There is no quick fix or way to make
someone quit until they are ready.
Take care and avoid getting involved
too deeply as this can just give
her a leaning post which prolongs
the use of alcohol.
Remember these bad consequences are the
best lever to initiate her desire for
sobriety and will help to break her
denial eventually.