Expert: Clyde - 12/10/2008

Question
Hi Clyde, I've been reading some of the questions others ask. I notice that throughout most of them the person writing always says "when he/she doesn't drink they're the best". From my experience, I wonder how thats true or is it that persons own perception? Not drinking isin't enough in my opinion, even when someones sober (on the off days) its still really apparent to me that they've got a major problem. What do you think? Thanks for your help!

Answer
Debbie,
   Thank you for your observation and for your questions.  I have often heard people in the rooms of AA say, "my worst day sober is better than my best day drinking."  I agree with that assessment of life as a sober individual.

   Now, there are "dry drunks", or people who do not drink any longer but have not found any other source of life.  They are miserable souls.  They probably are at their "best" in this situation because at least they do not pose as much physical harm to others (i.e. driving drunk, etc.)  But in their misery, they are probably much harder to get along with.

   Then there are the people who have surmounted the drinking problem through avenues such as AA but who have also not gone the distance in the program to work all the steps (especially steps 4,5).  The steps are vital to becoming all that one can be in this life.

   Your observation is quite correct.  If a person is not willing to work really deep down to uncover the reasons for drinking, they do not stand much of a chance to develop.  Maturity and emotional health are stunted severely under the influence of drinking and many people have decades worth of life in this condition.  It takes an enthusiasm to regain what was not developed in the toddler and adolescent phase of life.  Many alcoholics reach a comfort level in life as sober people and coast along with minimal crises in their life but they are basically the same immature and emotionally stunted individuals they were while drinking.

    This is why you observe that nothing seems substantially different about them.  

    I hope this helps explain a little about the "sober yet dry" syndrome of alcoholics.

    Write anytime if I may answer any other questions for you.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde