Expert: Druideck - 2/23/2008

Question
Thank you for providing this service.
We have friends that think it is normal to get together at least 3 times a week and drink heavily. These are people in their late 30's to early 40's.
I have a real problem with the amounts they drink and the false sense of normalcy the ascribe to the situation. My father was an Alcoholic and my brother is as well, so I think I am possibly over sensitive to the issue. These are good people for the most part but I feel this need to tell them i disagree with their drinking habits. Is there a good way to address this issue without sounding condescending? My wife and I drink but only a few on any given day, and maybe a total of 5 or 6 drinks max in a weeks time. I genuinely like these people and would like to keep them as friends, but struggle with the situation.
Best regards,
David

Answer
David,

when living with or around alcoholics people often
develop responses that are unhealthy.

It is referred to as co-dependence and /or
having ACOA or adult child of alcoholic symptoms.

These behaviours can include being over-reactive
to what the drinkers are doing.

Recovery is learning to detach from the
alcoholic and focus on your own reactions
as the problem that needs healing.

If your friends are adults they can drink as they prefer.
You have the choice to associate with them as they are
or find new non drinking friends.

Your probably right about their excessive drinking,
unfortunately we can not control alcoholism or
the people that have the problem.

If you find it very uncomfortable tell them
the story about your family drinking.
Tell them you will not be drinking so much
but let it go at that.

I suggest looking up the characteristics
of ACOA's  and maybe co-dependence symptoms
also. Self-knowledge goes along ways.