Expert: Clyde - 2/25/2008

Question
Thank you Clyde for all your words of wisdom and support. Like I said before I thank our lord for people like you who offer their time to help others! many Blessings to you and all your loved ones.
I like to ask another question if of course I have not yet reach my questions limit. I need to get him help but I do not have insurance & I was told that the free places will not help him because they are usually located in bad areas with people who are much worst then he is. I guess I'm afraid of him feeling bad about going and being around those people. One thing I do know is that I need to be ready with all this like now.
I also like to know if he can work during the 12 step program? That is if that's the kind of program that will help him. I was also thinking that just like I found this site and you maybe there is a site that could help him. What do you think?

Answer
Ivy,
    I am so glad that he has accepted the intervention.  I hope he will take it very seriously and find the way out of the hell of alcoholism.

    Although I support treatment centers as they do a lot of fine work with alcoholics, I believe that the best way to get sober and stay sober is through the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  The 12-step program is the basis for daily living every one in AA seeks to use one-day-at-a-time.  It is what gives the hopeless alcoholic a new lease on life without drinking.

     So my suggestion to you is find meetings in your area. You can find the AA central office number in the yellow pages or white pages and make a call to find out about meeting times. Once he has found a meeting, he can get more information - booklets with all area meetings listed, meeting schedules for the place he first attends, literature, the Big Book, etc.

     This is his program and his alone.  He must do this thing for himself.  If he will go to meetings and allow some information to sink in he will begin to understand that alcohol is not his friend any longer.  He will need to get a sponsor as soon as possible (someone who will work with him one-on-one and answer his questions and hold him accountable for not drinking).  He will need to get the Big Book and read, read, read.  It will let him know about himself and about alcohol.  This is FREE!! he need not pay a cent, although we do ask for a donation of $1.00 each meeting but it voluntary and never required.   Those donations keep the group going by buying literature, coffee, etc.

     So your question about work is yes, he can work while going to meetings.  This is not a short-term fix it is meant to be a new way of life from now on.  One-day-at-a-time but it is for life.

     Your concern about entering treatment with what we call "low bottom" drunks or skid row type bums is valid to a point.  We all want to maintain our dignity of class but those people, too, are in a life and death struggle and there is much grace to be had in those settings.  Alcoholics are some of the brightest and most intelligent people in the world but alcohol took away their minds, their drive, their determination, and their physical well-being.  Some will never move beyond being what we call a "wet brain" or someone whose brain is so badly damaged through the ravages of alcohol that they are not able to function in daily life.

     All that is not intended to give you cause for fear.  It is intended to let you know this is serious business.

     You can help your husband by attending ALANON meetings - same 12-step program but for the spouses and families and friends of the alcoholic.  You will find there support for yourself, for your family, and learn more about what he is dealing with.

    I hope that he will consider getting to his first meeting tomorrow and begin this journey which will bring him back into the real world.

    Hope this helps,

Grace and Peace,
Clyde