Expert: Rebos - 2/14/2008

Question
My boyfriend is currently in rehab for alcohol, what can I do to help him continue the path the sobriety once he returns home?

Answer


Good afternoon Melissa and thank you for your question. So to speak… you should not feel that you have to walk around on egg shells when he comes home. Act normally and stay off his back! If he chooses to talk about his stay at rehab it’s okay to engage him in conversation without prying into the details.

If he doesn't say that he is going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting you can encourage him to go to a meeting the day get gets discharged from the rehab. If he doesn’t go on the day he leaves rehab then you might consider that he hasn’t hit his bottom yet and that he will drink again! He will not be able to make it on his own willpower! What ever you do NEVER make any threat to him that you are not willing to follow through with, because then you will be an enabler if you don't follow through with your threat!

Alcoholism is but a symptom of a deeper underlying problem that your boyfriend must resolve within himself or he will not stop drinking for the long haul, one day at a time. There is an old saying; “that once you turn a cucumber into a pickle you can never change it back to a cucumber again”. For the alcoholic there is no such thing as cutting down… drinking only on weekends… changing what they drink… or even switching to “near beer” made with an alcohol content of only 0.05%. For an alcoholic nothing will work that is short of total and complete abstinence from any thing that contains alcohol or other mind-altering substances (drugs). Of course the exception is a medical doctor’s prescription as long as the doctor fully "understands" that he or she is dealing with an addicted person.

Whether or not your boyfriend joins AA... I strongly recommend that you start going to Alanon meetings. You must allow those who have the answers for you at Alanon that will help you through your situation. When you allow others to help it is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of your strength. There is no reason for you to feel that you have failed at something you have no control over. Alcoholism is a disease of denial and your boyfriend may be still in denial about what alcohol has done to him. Your best defense against the emotional impact of your boyfriend’s recovery is to gain knowledge and the emotional maturity to put that knowledge into effect. Alanon can be reached by calling 1-800-344-2666 (United States) or 1-800-443-4525 (Canada). If you decide to not go to Alanon the least that you can do is to stop trying to control something that you can’t control.

I probably have raised more questions in your mind than I have answered. If I can be of further help please write me again, but please go to Alanon. Thank you, Rebos