Expert: Druideck - 2/2/2008

Question
Hello
I have a 38 year old brother with some serious issues. He began drinking in his teens and has been an alcoholic since 18. He currently lives in India.  He has only one sibling and that is me and I live in Canada.  We don't have a father and my mom lives with me in Canada.  He is all alone in India and I love him dearly.  He has been spiralling down and our heart bleeds for him.  Unfortunately, due to family constraints we are unable to go back to India.  I have tried to get him help in India but he is not willing.  I know that if he was with us we would be able to pursuade him to get help and also provide him all the support he needed.  Can you help us by finding a way we can help him from here?

Answer
Ro,

it is admirable to care for your brother's
welfare even though you are separated
by so much distance.

I am not familiar with the help
available to him in India but I imagine
there would be AA groups in some places.

Since you live so far away the only
help you could offer is possibly some
written material and of course your
support through phone, email or letters.

The nature of alcoholism is that
often people do not seek help
until things get very bad.

Protecting an alcoholic from the
consequences of his illness can
only prolong his condition.

Alcoholics often deny their problem
and can not be forced to seek help.
This is hard for loved ones to bear.
The desire to get help must come from
your brother alone.

Alcoholism cannot be controlled by
anyone and is an addictive process
which requires the person to do much
to help himself. If your brother
is not willing to seek help, you
must leave it mostly in god's hands.

I suggest sending him a Big Book
from Alcoholics Anonymous.
These are available from your local AA
or online at AA.
If he starts reading the solution he may
eventually be convinced to help himself.

Big Book is Online here for free:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Let him know if he wants to quit you
will be there for moral support.

Don't help him to be irresponsible
by sending money or things that
will make it easy for him to ignore
his behaviour and problems caused by drinking.

Too much help can just protect an alcoholic
from seeing what drinking is doing to them.
Sometimes when things get bad enough we
start to listen and seek help for ourself.
It is unfortunate that we need to often
hit bottom before we can be helped.

Also take good care of yourself and
if you need support try an Al-Anon
group, they have much experience with
the feelings you are having now.