Expert: Druideck - 3/25/2008

Question
Hi there,

My husband is an alcoholic (binger), has been sober for 8 months.  Hooray! We socialize w my family a lot and they were surprised to know that he had a problem until there was a big blow out and he hit my brother 8 months ago. They patched it, but their relationship hasn't been the same since, the underlying problem is that my husband just doesn't like my brother and things got heated with the aid of alcohol...

My husband is handling not drinking very well to date.
My question is, should someone ask to bring wine into our home (it was one small bottle to be served with dinner (4 glasses if that - not that that matters) there were 14 of us at the dinner and no other alcohol.  We didn't provide any, nor did we say not to bring any,  and nobody else brought any except my brother.

Should I have intercepted and said to everyone not to bring any to our home even if it is just for dinner?

Should my husband be able to handle this, is he over reacting?

At my Dad's, my Dad doesn't drink in front of my husband. My husband has said many times to my Dad that it is OK for him to drink in front of him, but he still really doesn't.

I guess what I am hearing from my husband is...it's OK for everyone to drink around him anywhere else but our home.  

Can you help.  I would appreciate your feedback,

Thanks,

Confused

Answer
Barb,

your husband is doing well by the sounds of it.
I believe guests that come to your home
should respect your wishes BUT if you did not
specifically tell them not to bring dinner wine
how can they know? You can't expect anyone to
be a mind reader, they need to know what
you are willing to accept in your home.

If an alcoholic is shaky better not to
tempt him, but if he is doing well in recovery
the presence of alcohol in any form should
not be a problem.

Once we have accepted our need to abstain
totally and have some time in recovery
we can be around alcohol and it's not
a problem.

If your husband really feels uncomfortable
with liquor in the house I say let
people know even a small bottle
of wine is not okay. His abstaining from
drinking is a life or death matter, a dinner
party is not.

As time and recovery go on
he may eventually be less sensitive to
these kinds of dinners but let your
relatives and guests know what the rules
are beforehand and expect them to comply.