Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 3/16/2008

Question
Hello,
I have known my friend for approx. 6 years, we have been kind of dating for about 3 months.
Last year he went into rehab for alcohol and in the last month has fallen back into drinking. He has alot of emotional issues from childhood that I believe contributes to this problem, he is a wonderful person, kind, helpful and considerate to others. He is not the abusive type when drinking. I want to be supportive as he is getting ready to seek help once again,I have never went through this type of thing with anyone before and am not sure on what to do.
He has health issues and needs to quit for these reasons as well. Any suggestions on how I can handle and cope with this and should I stick it out?

Answer
Hello Karen,
Thank you for the question. The best way to help your friend is to consistently support his stopping drinking and returning to treatment and recovery, and telling him that his continuing to drink is unacceptable to you and damaging to your relationship (which must be the case even though you say he is not abusive; for example, not being himself when drinking). Attnding Al-Anon, the 12 Step programs for those who love an alcoholic, can be very helpful as support for you and as a source of information about how not to enable your friend's continuing to drink: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ I also have information on my website for those in a relationship with an alcoholic: http://alcoholdrugsos.com/FamilyAddictionsCounselingonline.html
By the way, he cannot work on those issues from childhood unless he is sober. Good luck.