Expert: Druideck - 4/5/2008

Question
My husband is a heavy drinker.  He will drink everyday for three weeks and only stops when he starts throwing up. During this period his moods are relatively OK and I only mean that he is not violent and is not shouting at everyone in the house.
But during the non-drinking period he is picky, demanding,critical, non-verbal and because of this we all walk around on egg shells.  
My question is how does one cope during these periods? My daughter and I retreat to our bedrooms with the door closed (sometimes this can be for days) and/or when he is on we are out and vice versa.
  Please help me.  Any advise would be greatly appreciate.  

Answer
Marsha,

this situation is not the same as living
with a person in alcoholic recovery.
If your husband does not seek help
he will die prematurely from his drinking.
Do you plan to stay with him even if he
keeps getting worse?

You and your daughter should not be hostages
in your own home. Your husband has an illness
that can be treated if he gets desparate enough
to get alcohol counselling or inpatient
treatment. If he is resistant to getting
any help there is little you can do.

The reason he has these mood swings is
because of his own bad feelings about himself
and his lack of development in coping
skills. When drinking, alcoholics do not
develop the skills other people have
in dealing with stress and other life problems.
No progress can be made until they quit drinking
and start learning to live sober.

You probably need to decide if you want to
spend your life hiding or let him know
he needs to get help or you will make
plans to get away from him and his untreated alcoholism.

If you attend some Al-Anon meetings in your area
they can advise you on staying or leaving.
Often people do not sober up until their families
leave them to be responsible for themselves.

There are no easy answers for these situations
and each one has to be handled individually.
If you or your husband are willing try reading
chapter 3 here: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm