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Addiction to Alcohol/emotional and verbal abuse

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Expert: Joseph Lee O. - 4/6/2008


Question
I am married to a sociopath who has emotionally and verbally abused me for
20 years.  I eventually turned to drinking Champaign to numb my feelings.  It
has become a problem for me.  I gain liquid courage and eventually tell him
off.  He blames me for all of his actions, including his infidelity and lying to
me.  I also seem to be co-dependent on him otherwise I would leave him.  I
need to turn my life around for my own well being but don't seen to have the
energy nor the self esteem to believe I can do so.

Answer
Greetings to you, Lorinda.

You have written:
>> I need to turn my life around for my own well being but don't seen (seem) to have the energy nor the self esteem to believe I can do so.

In 1981, I found myself at exactly that same place in life.  I desperately needed and wanted a different manner of living, yet I knew I did not have whatever it would take to make that happen even if I had known what to do.

From “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book, here is an insightful excerpt:

“If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient ... many of us would have recovered long ago.  But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried.  We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there.  Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.
“Lack of power (or of ‘energy’, as you have written), that was our dilemma.  We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.  Obviously.  But where and how were we to find this Power?
“Well, that's exactly what this book is about.  Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.” (pages 44-45)

Just as it was for me, the solution for your dilemma can be found through taking “The Twelve Steps”, Lorinda, and I would gladly share with you my own experience with that process.

Please know you are always welcomed to write ...

Joseph Lee O.
Email: leejosepho@hotmail.com
Forum: http://xsorbit28.com/users5/restored/ (new)  

Addiction to Alcohol

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Joseph Lee O.

Expertise

Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.

Experience

The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken. Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along. At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ... ... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.

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