Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 4/7/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have abused alcohol for the past year. I do not feel that I am addicted to it, but I can tell that I am obsessed with whether to drink or not to drink. I feel horrible about myself and my choices. Do I need to limit only one drink (I can do that) or eliminate it all together. Thankfully, I have a very supportive husband, but most of my family and friends are heavy drinkers. I want to stay "fitting in" with everyone.
Thank you

ANSWER: Hello Matty,
Congratulations on your willingmess to seek some help; that can be a first step toward resolution of an alcohol problem. Preoccupation with alcohol, negative feelings of guilt, and behaviors aganist your value system, if they are a pattern, are strong indicators of alcoholism. Just because you are not physically dependent on alcohol by daily use which would result in withdrawal if you stop abruptly, does not mean that you do not have alcoholism. It's what happens when you DO drink that matters (negative consequences and loss of control). You say that you can limit drinking to one drink: if you can do that consistently over a substantial period of time, then you do not have alcoholism. I suspect, however, that you do not so limit your drinking or you would not be seeking help. If you are an alcoholic, the resolution of the problem is abstinence. Most alcoholics are unsuccessful, by definition, at stopping at the first drink. Good luck to you. Check out my web site for more help.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: That is correct, I don't always limit my drinking to one. In fact, it seems that's when I have all the problems-- when I go beyond one. I am not a very big person, so I am affected quickly. But I can limit it to one and I do just fine, however, then I obsess over how stopping at one is perceived by others (or having nothing) and how much others are drinking. Then I think, "why can't I just be normal like everyone else?" I hate this about myself so much! I know I need to turn my thinking around. If you can help, I'd appreciate knowing how I can start this process. I hate the fact that I may fail if I pledge to stop drinking entirely. (BTW, at the same time, I do feel a weight is off my shoulders at the prospect of not drinking at all.) I am so glad that I found this site to that I can talk with someone. It's so horribly humiliating.  

Answer
Matty,
It sounds as if over a substantial period of time that you cannot limit your drinking, and that you continue, as a result, to experience negative consequences; if that is the case, then I suggest you consider abstinence, perhaps addictions counseling, and attendance of 12 Step programs. I cannot establish an online counseling relationship on this site. I do have my own site if you wish to contact me. Good luck.