Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 4/21/2008

Question
i am very concerned about my partner, he has always liked a drink on a social basis but over the last 3 years he has come to rely on alcohol at least 6 times a week raging from 4 to 9 pints each session. he goes to the pub on his own in secret and takes money which isn't his to buy alcohol. if he drinks and i suspect he has he will deny it even though you can smell it on his breath. years ago he had a car accident and was over the limit for driving but not drunk i need to add that as he hadn't gone out drinking all day and then driving but he had an argument with me about drink and then sped off in his car and smashed into another car, the other person died. he went to prison for drink driving as the accident could not determine whose fault it was as the other car pulled out on him. we all thought his spell inside would sort him out, he said he was coping but we knew he wasn't. before his prison sentence he was very bad, drinking all the time and not lager this was sprits or anything he could get his hands on. he self harmed very badly and was put on anti depressants and also saw a crisis team who put him on a detox but he secretly still drank on the pills as we found out when the team came round to see him and did an under the tongue test and it couldn't get more positive. after they found out he was still drinking they left me to deal with it on my own, with my daughter at the time who was 2 years old or a little less.back to today he appeared to be making some good steps forward and we were planning on another child but he has things happen in his life and he cant cope he drinks more than normal, he still drinks quite a lot and more if he can get away with it. when i question him he says he hasn't got a problem he just enjoys a drink and he thinks i am too obsessive about it. i am now pregnant and he couldn't handle that as well as a court case he was attending for aggravated abuse he had been drinking when that happened. we are separated at the minute and i have told him if he cant stop drinking as much then i don't want to be with him. can you help!

Answer
Dear jessica

Living with addiction is not pleasant and the likelihood of healing is nonexistent if he does not quit drinking. There is a group called Alanon that is a support group for people who are affected by alcohols and addicts. You may want to see if there is a group in your area. Good luck.