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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Substance Abuse > Addiction to Alcohol > trust
Expert: Druideck
Date: 4/25/2008
Subject: trust
Question
The last few years my husband has been drinking more and more heavily and walked out on the family several times.To cut a long story short the last few months he has been to A.A and as far as I am aware has truly stopped drinking,I can see him more like the person he used to be,he works away for a month at a time and when he is away tends to ignore me when he is back he wants back with the family,truth is the last couple of years im fed up being on my own,with all the financial worries and having to look after the children on my own i have had a nervous breakdown and dont trust anyone,ill never meet anyone else as im not an attractive person.How likely is my husband to stop drinking I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and cant make up my mind sometimes i think i am just too needy a person.Im tired of my life at the moment and seem to swing from one decision to the next
Answer
Carol,
It is very hard to trust someone that has hurt
us in the past. We have good reason to be cautious.
Recovery from alcoholism is an ongoing process.
It requires a committment to change and to grow
beyond the person we had become while drinking.
Life can be hard and difficult to face on our own.
Sometimes a relationship can nurture us but
it can also put a strain on us at times.
If you are feeling shaky, depressed, tired or
just fed up with the pressures of living
it is perhaps better to seek support
in a group like al-anon or at least
friends or family if they are supportive.
If we feel unattractive it is usually because
we see ourselves from the world's
outer standards of physical beauty.
Many people have much more to offer especially
in a long-term relationship where personality
and quirks can be fun and desirable.
I know it hard to see our inner beauty when
feeling down.
Your husband may not have much support
to offer you during his struggle to
balance his life without drinking.
He will not always be there for you
as he also needs support at this time.
If you see through his actions that he
has changed, then you have to decide
if it will be a help or a hindrance
having him around. You will also have
to give something of yourself
to be in this relationship.
Being needy can reach to great depths,
not unlike the need an person feels
when addicted to alcohol or drugs.
I found a wonderful book that
addresses these feelings,
It is by Robin Norwood,
it is called "Letters from Women who love too much"
She has the prequel called "Woman who love too much"
She is a professional that has lots of good
info on understanding relationships and their
addictive nature.
Whether you get back with your husband or not
I highly recommend getting that book off
eBay and it will really open a new world
of understanding all addictions and your own
up and downs.
Start appreciating yourself for all the struggle
you have been through, it takes alot to be
a responsible person and to have a desire
to keep trying to better yourself.
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