AboutDruideck Expertise All questions are important,
I have over 22 years of personal experience with alcoholism and recovery issues.
Advanced Counsellor Training / Experience with treatment and AA.
Experience Over 22 years of recovery from alcoholism.
Counsellor in an alcohol outpatient office.
Experience as client and as counsellor in treatment center.
Expert: Druideck Date: 5/14/2008 Subject: Far away brother has a problem
Question Hi, this is one of the toughest letters I am sure I have ever written. My brother lives in PA. My Mother and Father as well as my sister live in Fl. My brother is an alcoholic. Has been one for years. But it has gotten worse. He was caught at work drinking and was sent to rehab for 5 days (not long enough) he did not get fired but the day he got back to work was drinking again. He was caught today and got a DUI. He had a bottle in his car and was put in jail later released. My family and I are at a loss as to what to do. He is so far away. We are scared to get that "phone call" in the middle of the night. Is there something we can do. Someone we can call. We want to help, just dont know how.
Thanks for any input.
Erin in Fl.
Answer Erin,
what makes these situations so difficult is
the drinkers denial of their problem.
Confronting a person that likely
thinks other people are his problem
takes someone skilled in this process.
Any attempts made without professional
counsel can just give the drinker
another reason to drink.
Interventions do not always work
as drinkers are stubborn and
willful. They hate being lectured
and told what to do.
They trust only their own
flawed logic.
It is well to remember that he
is ill with a definable
downward progression.
The proof of this being a definable
illness is that people have
recovered and behave very much like
normal well adjusted people after
some recovery.
The illness blinds them to the
extent of their bad behaviour
and the harm it is causing.
No person or family caused this
problem nor can they stop
it or control it ultimately.
The desire to get well has to come
from the drinker and that
usually comes after experiencing
the consequences of all their
behaviours. Helping or protecting
them enables them to keep drinking
longer. I don't mean helping them
to get help, this is a good thing.
I highly recommend getting some literature
on Al-Anon and attending a few meetings
if possible.
They help the family break the cycle
of helping, scolding, bargaining and
guilt that happens when living with an
alcoholic in the family.
Talk to your local alcohol abuse agency
or counsellor, they can refer you to
the appropriate people for
information and intervention.
I recommend AA highly for anyone
seeking recovery.
The less you argue, lecture or try
to control an alcoholic the better.
Hitting bottom is exactly what compels
most alcoholics into detox/rehab/AA.
They often won't seek recovery until
things get very bad. If you talk
to your brother about his problems
casually mention you know someone
who went to AA and quit drinking.
See what he says, does he sound
willing to quit yet?
If not, you have to let go
and hope for the best.
Information is all you can give him
at this point.
If he is suicidal the police
can check on him for you.
