Expert: Amarnath.B - 5/20/2008

Question
Hi
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and to give me advice. I want to start by saying that i have used this site before and thank all. Well i had a common law husband for 15 years and i left him not because i didnt love him but because everything that goes along with a very bad alcoholic. when we met my daughter was 2and half and we have a son togather my daughters father has never been in her life and my ex treated her as if she was his blood child. 31/2 years ago i left him and for the following two years he was still getting drunk everyday, he would call me on almost a daily basis and tell me how much he loved me and how much he wanted to be back with his family.but never stoped drinking!He stop seeing the kids saying that it hurt to much to see them. Going into the 3rd year he met someone and moved in with her after 2 weeks, she had just left her husband of 24 years 3 months before.They were married after less than a year living together. when he started to date her he started to be very distant towards me, and tried to start seeing my son whom is his blood child but did not want to see my daughter. He says now that he is able to drink and that he doesnt drink like he use to nor does he get drunk like he use to, he claims to have only been drunk 5 times in the last year and half. He said that his mind is set. I have never stop loving him and i am having a very difficult time with the fact that he remarried and is able to controll his drinking. He recently told me that he still loved me and that he wishes that we would still be together. He hasnt said that he wants to leave his wife! I`m not sure what to do, i love him very much still but he is married. Do you beleive that he has really changed that much without any help? I never beleived i would spend my life without him. Please help me and tell me what you think of my situation! Am i crazy for how i feel??? Just to let you know i met a man very shortly after leaving my husband and have been with him since we moved in together after 2 years dating and he is a good man but i am not in love with him like i am my ex husband.

Answer
Dear Michele,

The only advice I can give you is to move on and forget about the past.  Once an alcoholic is always an alcoholic.  There is no cure for alcoholism and it can only be arrested by staying stop......not taking a drop of liqour for ever. And your ex, being an alcoholic has not stopped, he still drinks.

I think he is trying to lead a double life.  Please forget him an move on.  You will be a lot happier.

God bless


Amarnath