Expert: Druideck - 5/22/2008

Question
Hay

I just don't know what to do, I'm not from here so my English writing is terrible.

But I'm married to my husband now for almost three years and he is a alcoholic for over 10 years.
Don't tell me why did you married him because i didn't know i know that he drink much but didn't know what alcoholism was because i never knew someone.

I bin trying to help him for over two years now but it don't work and I'm only make it worse because i snap at him because I'm so tired.
On this moment i live with his mom and he is somewhere sleeping in the car has no job.

He wants me to come this weekend to talk,and get help, we don't have health insurance and not much money.

He still blame's everything what happens on everybody else he says that we need to go on, but the only reason why he says that is so i can fix his problems and can take care of his shit.

I don't know of it ever is gone be ok, but i cant leave him there by him self i want to help him but how, i get so mad on him if he start talking and drinking. We need professional help but how can we get that if everything is so expensive.  

Answer
Hi Rins,

I am a recovered alcoholic for
over 22 years. He can recover
without professional help
as I did. Recovery is the responsibility
of the alcoholic. His recovery is
not dependent on you at all.

If he is being honest which alcoholics
rarely are he will be willing to
do anything to get out of that way
of life and his poverty.

He wants you to baby him and fix
his problems, you can not do
this if you ever want him to recover.

Alcoholics are irresponsible and
this is something they need to face.
The harder life is, the more possible
it is that he will do what it takes to
get help.

He has to attend AA meetings which are
free for at least 90 days. After that
he will have to decide if he wants to
live sober or die drunk.

This is not optional, he has to do this
or you are wasting your time on him.
Let him go and start making a good life
for yourself.

There is no need for you to believe
you are responsible for another adult.
He has an illness that will take
you and he down if he does not
do as I said. This is not a game,
he could possibly die sooner or later.

He could talk to an alcohol counsellor
but he will keep drinking until
he takes AA seriously.

If he says he won't go then he is not
ready to get well.

You are wasting your time and energy
on him until he decides to go for help.
I know it is difficult but you
can not control another persons illness.

Take care.