Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 5/12/2008

Question
hello so ill get right to the point my wife drinks every day and more on the weekends i have asked her many time to stop and she always says what do you care.. how can i get her to stop she wont go  to meetings its like she just dosent care about anything but the bottle please help me our marrige is falling apart because of it

Answer
Hello tj,
If your wife is an alcoholic, then you are in a situation that is profoundly upsetting, watching someone you love damaging herself and you through drinking. I wish I had a magic answer for you. There is  no simple answer to your question, which is basically how do you get an alcoholic to stop drinking. Sometimes an intervention to force the alcoholic into treatment may result in the drinker staying in treatment long enough to understand she has a problem and decide to stop. Here is the website of an interventionist that I know: http://www.intervention.com/ I strongly recommend that you attend meetings of Al-Anon, the Twelve Step Program for persons in a relationship with an alcoholic: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html There you can not only get support for you, but also learn ways to allow your wife to experience the natural consequences of her drinking. Sometimes, over time, an alcoholic who is reinforced by her spouse in a positive way for not drinking, and allowed to suffer the normal negative consequences of irrational drinking behaviors, will see the need to stop drinking and get help. But this can be a long process; so, I suggest you get help at Al-Anon meetings. Good luck.