AboutAmarnath.B Expertise Helping build recovery in the lives of individuals, families and communities affected by alcoholism, drug dependency and related diseases.
Involved in counseling/rehabilitation.
Can answer any question on this subject.
Experience 6 Years of Counseling in chemical dependency.
Education/Credentials Graduate/Post Graduate
DLCAS Hazelden/Addiction Studies/Theory & Practice of Addiction Counseling/Dual Disorders.
HIV/AIDS & Substance Abuse.
Can answer any questions on Alcohol related problems.
Expert: Amarnath.B Date: 5/2/2008 Subject: What now??
Question Thanks for taking the time to read this. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 1 1/2 years. After a month of uneasiness, I confronted her about her drinking. I told her that I would drive her to an AA meeting that night. She refused. I pleaded with her to do it for us, her son, and most importantly herself. She still refused. I then told her that I could not carry on with her like this so I told her that we were done.
That was a week ago. Now I am having second thoughts. I went to an Alanon meeting that night and heard some of the horror stories that the other participants offered, and thought to myself, "she wasn't THAT bad". Now I am wondering if I acted too quickly.
She and I lived in separate places, but sometimes I would spend the weekend with her and her son. On weekdays, we would always meet after work for 2 or 3 beers. She would then pick up her son and go home. On the nights that I stayed over, I would go with her. Once she gets home she always had a beer in her hand or nearby. She would normally drink 3 or 4 before going up to bed. When she goes to bed she takes a beer or two up with her and will drink one in bed and the other around 3am when she has trouble sleeping. The funny thing is that she never seemed drunk. She would wake up in the morning, and finish up what ever she had not drunk of her 3am beer. That was her weekday routine. However, every other weekend when she did not have her son, she would go off the deep end. She would use this time to "cut loose". Most of the time I was with her to keep her from doing anything stupid. The problem was when I was not there. I was constantly worried, and my friends would tell me later that she was out of control that night. I started noticing that I was drinking more than I was comfortable with. That, plus another scary night of worrying while I was away on business, pushed my decision to confront her.
She is a wonderful woman and I really love her son, but I could not live with the constant worrying. I do not intend on getting back together with her, but I still find myself worried. Both for her and her son. Should I be??? If so, what can I do?
Answer Hi Brian,
Yes, you did what you could. There is no doubt she is an alcoholic and has not touched her rock bottom yet. I do suggest you attend Alanon meetings often. Keep in touch with her now and then. Buy the Big Book of AA and send it to her as a present. Who knows she might get a spiritual awakening then. But you shouldn't be worried about her more than what you are doing now. You have to move on. She will realize it one day and turn around. But I still feel if you could get a few AA members to talk to her. Maybe who knows? it might work. But I suggest you get on with your life. But pray! Pray for her that she gets sober soon & prayer works.
