Expert: Druideck - 6/19/2008

Question
Hi could you maybe give your opinion on some behavioural aspects of someone with a drink problem.Why is it they can hold down a job and go out of their way to please and keep in with fellow workers yet blank or abuse their own family especially children who have done no harm to them

Answer
Good day,

Alcoholics can sometimes be great people
pleasers when it comes to outsiders.

They seem to crave the approval and attention
of everybody but have problems with
intimate or close relationships.

They can handle surface relating but
families demand a closer more threatening
kind of involvement.

Most alcoholics live a double life.
They don't want people to know what
they are really like. Somwhere inside
they are aware something is wrong.

They can fool their friends and employer
but not their family. The family
knows all too well their problems
and there games to cover things up
so they appear on the surface
to be great strong guys with
everything under control.

Your knowledge of what is really going
on can be a threat to his continued
drinking. He lives in denial and
wants to ptotect that at all costs.
He will strike out at whoever is
closest and most defenseless.

After all, if he took things out
on other people they would not put
up with it. His employer could fire him,
his drinking buddies could abandon him
but his family seems to be there no
matter how he behaves.

Alcoholics keep getting sicker,
they get worse physically, mentally,
emotionally and spiritually.
As they go down they become less and
less able to express any true feeling
of love, caring or compassion.

They are often angry but hide it
until it comes out inappropriately.
They are confused and torn between
who they think they are and who they
really are.

They are dependent on alcohol and
can not choose their family over
it's effects. They are addicted,
this always takes first priority.
Anyone that gets in the way gets
brushed aside.

Unless they get into a treatment
program like AA and stop
drinking they continue to be lost souls.
There is no easy way for them and
others can not change them.
Without help his behaviour will not
improve unfortunately.

Take care