Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 6/25/2008

Question
Hello.  I am hoping to get some advice on how to deal with a dear friend of mine that has been lying to me about her drinking and is engaging in reckless behavior. She recently was arrested for a DUI. (However she blamed it on the fact that she had taken an Ambien and drove)often times she calls me and I can tell that she is drunk but says she had only "2 Martinis" and that she is able to drive safely. The other day she had four drinks and drove but claimed they were "so weak" and she was "fine to drive". Sometimes she will say "I only had 2" then later in the conversation, she says she had 3.     Her lying and denial is making me uncomfortable.  I usually don't say anything I  feel like it is not my place to confront her or is it? What should I say? I grow tired of listening to her babble when she is drinking but I do so anyway.

Thanks for your advice.  CC

Answer
Hello Cheryl,
Your friend has a number of indicators suggesting alcoholism: a DUI (many who drive with a blood alcohol concentration above the legal limit do so because they have a behavioral tolerance or adjustment to the effects of alcohol that comes from chronic excessive drinking); continuing to drive under the influence after the DUI; being dishonest about the amounts she is drinking; minimizing, excusing, and justifying inappropriate alcohol related behaviors; and behavior that is causing tension and problems in her friendship with you. I agree it is not your place to control your friend's drinking because that is not possible; however, it IS appropriate for you to be honest with her about your concerns, confronting her with her untruths and negative, risky behaviors. Most persons with alcohol problems have enablers in their lives who protect, rescue, or otherwise do not directly confront the drinker with the reality of their alcohol problem. So, I encourage you to be honest with your friend about her drinking, but do so when she is sober.
Jan Williams
www.alcoholdrugsos.com