Expert: Joseph Lee O. - 7/7/2008

Question
QUESTION: Is it possible for a person to drink every night for 30 years and not be an alcoholic?  If yes, how has drinking whiskey for 30 years effected him physically, emotionally and/or mentally?  I've got some strange things going on under my roof.

ANSWER: Greetings to you, Brenda.

You have asked:

>> Is it possible for a person to drink every night for 30 years and not be an alcoholic?

Someone who simply has a daily drink or two is probably not alcoholic, but "a daily drink or two" and "daily drinking" are not necessarily the same thing.  So then, the question of full-blown alcoholism is a matter of how much (as in out-of-control drinking) as well as how often someone might actually drink.

>> If yes, how has drinking whiskey for 30 years [affected] him physically, emotionally and/or mentally?

If his daily drinking has been more than a shot or two, his liver has probably been damaged, his emotions have been "drowned" and his brain has become at least partially "pickled" (thereby somewhat blurring his thinking).

>> I've got some strange things going on under my roof.

If you might care to elaborate, I will try to be helpful in whatever way I can.

Joseph Lee


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your response I've been on vacation (our first separate vacation).  My husband must have his nightly drinks - a full glass of bourbon or whiskey with ice and a slice of lime.  He use to wait until 12:00 p.m. at night to drink himself drunk, shower, come to bed @ 2:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m.  Lately, he has started drinking as soon as he gets home from work @ 7:00 p.m. every night and now goes to bed @ 4:00 a.m.

The strange things that are happening are things like a whole roasted turkey he received for a Christmas gift in December is still sitting in the refrigerator unwrapped.  It was  a gift to him (that he does not like) so he wouldn't give it to a homeless shelter and since it's food he won't/can't throw it out.  That is his logic on this and other issues.  He does not make any sense and causes others to suffer because of his value system.  I hope I'm making sense.  

Where and how do I find more information about his non-sensical thinking?

Answer
Greetings again, Brenda.

Your husband’s drinking certainly sounds alcoholic, and I will try to offer a bit of insight into his “non-sensical thinking”.  One thing you might consider is attending some Al-Anon meetings where others can help you come to grips with the fact that understanding the alcoholic can sometimes be virtually impossible.  The therapist that ultimately sent me to A.A. (and said I could find everything I needed there) after beginning his own recovery had previously diagnosed me as having a variety of mental and emotional issues and/or disorders ... and my point here is that alcoholics do not always fit into categories that are readily understood.

That fact that your husband used to wait until midnight to begin his daily drinking could indicate an awareness of other people needing or wanting him to be sober and responsible while they were awake ... or, it could indicate some kind of fear or shame related to other people either knowing about or actually seeing his drinking.  And of course, the fact that he waited until midnight might have had to do with him trying to avoid hearing anything said about his drinking ... or maybe he simply believed that was his own “private time” during which he could do as he pleased as long as he made it to work the next morning.  The bottom line in all of that, however, is this:
Alcohol does something *for* him that he wants done – he drinks for the effect – and he is not likely to ever even think about trying to quit until he comes to realize what alcohol is actually doing *to* him (as in eventually killing him) and he does not want that to continue.  

His beginning to drink earlier in the evening could be the result of any or many of a variety of things, but I would guess, overall, that alcohol is not working *for* him quite as well as it has in the past ... so, he now begins earlier in the evening in order to drink more to try to get the same effect he used to get from less.  Personally, that used to be one of my more maddening dilemmas: It began taking more alcohol to get the effect I wanted, but then I could never quite find the right amount to get where I wanted to be and remain there ... and then the physical factor of alcoholism began kicking in and demanding even more alcohol, thus taking me far beyond any place I ever wanted to be.

Now ponder:

If any of that makes your head spin a bit, imagine an intoxicated person trying to figure all of that out.  I used to sit and ponder both myself and alcohol (both individually and together) and/or pot while I was sober, drunk and/or stoned ... and all that ever really did was to drive me right back toward again seeking the pleasant and relieving effect I got (in an alternate reality) from my very first drink ever.  The alcoholic mind is a very disturbed one, and the alcoholic’s ever-being-pickled (as in being dried out by alcohol) brain is dysfunctional.  For example: In some cases, alcoholics drink to try to come down to a level where they believe they might actually become able to understand and communicate intelligently (or at least satisfactorily) with other people.  Like an ego-maniac with an inferiority complex, the alcoholic either drinks to try to feel as good as other people look to him, or else he drinks to try to experience and maintain some level of comfort in a very lonely world of his own he does not even begin to understand.

The story of your husband’s turkey in the ‘fridge would probably cause a roomful of A.A. members to burst in laughter at themselves for having done all sorts of goofy things ...

“Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past.  But why shouldn't we laugh?  We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.” (“Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book, page 132)

... and then at least some of them who still believe they should be able to explain the things we have done would continue laughing to cover up the fact they have no explanation at all.  But actually, you already know why your husband keeps his turkey where it is:

>> ... he received [it] for a Christmas gift [and does not want to seem unappreciative] ... and since it's food he won't/can't throw it out.

Since I do not eat pork, I would have a similar dilemma if somebody sent me a pepperoni pizza ... and I would likely have to let my wife take it away and do whatever she might with it.  The difference today, of course, is that I no longer have to drink over such things: Every time (if at all) your husband ever notices that turkey in the refrigerator, he either drinks to celebrate his seeming “loyalty” to others and/or to try to drown his fear of what he believes they might think of him if he ever shows or proves himself to be less than what he wants them (even as well as himself) to believe he is.  Personally, I often used to drink into oblivion to try to preserve whatever sanity I might have still had.

If you are interested, you might begin reading at least the chapter “To Wives” in “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

That chapter includes a general description of alcoholics in various stages of the alcoholic illness, and it includes some suggestions along the line of what to do and what not to do.

Please know you are always welcomed to write ...

Joseph Lee O.
Email: leejosepho@hotmail.com
Forum: http://xsorbit28.com/users5/restored/