Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 7/13/2008

Question
my boyfriend of 5 years has recently had an accident at work and then as a result was sacked. he is lazy and does not help round the house nor does he help with the childcare. he drinks every day!! and says that its ok and that he isnt an alcoholic. he spends all of our money on drink and drugs and gets agressive if i question this. i have asked him on several occasions to try and help and get a job, to relieve some of the financial pressure off me. We have now been served with an eviction notice and are soon to be homeless. All this said he still drinks every day and then ends up passing out and leaving me to deal with the reality of whats going on. I really do not know what to do, just writing this question to you has made me upset at how bad i have let things get. I want to leave him but im scared about what he will do, and what will happen to my son if he goes crazy. Please help me.

Answer
Hello Kirsty,
You are right to be upset, and to ask for help. The most important issue that I see in your question is the safety of you and your son. You do not specify what happens when your boyfriend "gets aggressive", but say that you are "scared about what he will do, and what will happen to my son if he goes crazy." So I suggest quietly arranging for a safe place with friends or relatives, for you and your son, and to consult an attorney or local authorities to see what legal protections you can put in place. Your boyfriend's alcoholism is clearly severe, but you cannot fix him or control his drinking. The best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself and your son, safety first, and then for you to work on getting yourself ready emotionally to do what needs to be done to tell your boyfriend that you cannot tolerate continuing the relationship, unless he stops drinking and gets help. You may wish to check out Al-Anon, the 12 Step program for persons in a relationship with an alcoholic, for information about how to take care of yourself and get support for yourself: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Good luck.
Jan Williams
www.alcoholdrugsos.com