Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 7/29/2008

Question
my daughter in law is blaming my son for her drinking. She ran up 90,000$ in debt without telling him.

Answer
Hello Mrs. Leonard,
I'm not sure how helpful I can be to you with such limited information. Reading between the lines, I can identify several indicators of alcoholism: alcohol related problem in an intimate relationship (your son's marriage), being untruthful about alcohol related behaviors, use of alcohol in the face of adverse consequences, and denial, including blaming others for alcohol use.

The truth can be the beginning of a process of addressing alcoholism (if this disease is present; I don't have enough data to say so). I recommend that you meet with your daughter-in-law (assuming she is sober and there are no violence issues) and inform her that you wish to meet with her and your son and divulge what you know about this woman's drinking (from your own personal observation and knowledge, not hearsay information). If she refuses this meeting with you and your son, I suggest that you tell your son what you know and suggest that he explore learning how to help himself and his wife. The problem is after all his and his wife's. Al-Anon, the Twelve Step program for persons in a relationship with an alcoholic (if the woman is one), may be of help to you and your son: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Good luck,
Jan Williams
www.alcoholdrugsos.com