Expert: Amarnath.B - 7/18/2008

Question
I'm married with a four year old son and a second due in 10 weeks.  Since I've
been with my husband, which is 8 years, he always binge drinks.  His whole
family/community was the same way growing up and he sees it as no
problem.
I want to know if I'm overreacting.  
He will have a drink after work and will not be able to stop drinking.  He will
call friends on the way home to meet him, and sometimes, like tonight, he
will sit in the kitchen drinking wine by himself because he knows it infuriates
me.  He is not abusive when he drinks, (in fact, I have hit him when he was
drunk, which he just walked away.) but he becomes a completely different
person-arrogant, cocky and sometimes full of self-pity.  I was out for dinner
with friends one night and he was looking after our son, when I came home,
he was drunk and I e-mailed his mother.

Anyways, tonight I told him I want to legally separate.  We're in the process of
selling our house and I told him I don't want to buy another one with him.  I
will take the children to another province where I can complete my last year
of schooling.
I love him, and I told him to pick me or the booze, and he said I'm being
unfair and it's my problem.  But if he doesn't have a problem, shouldn't he be
able to quit?  Should I leave him?  And if not, what shoudl I do?

I sincerely appreciate any advice

Answer
Hello Ranna,

At the outset, your husband does have a drinking problem and probably an alcoholic.  Alcoholism is a disease and cannot be cured. It can only be arrested by staying stop.  He needs help and I suggest before you even think of leaving him seek help from a counselor immediately.  You can also contact the nearest AA (Alcoholics Anonymous, a self-help group of ex-drinkers who will be of immense help in solving your husband's alcohol problem.

All the best,


Amarnath