Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 8/23/2008

Question
Hello Mr. Williams:

My son committed himself to a 30 day Alcohol Detox-Treatment inpatient facility and will be coming home in two weeks.  How can my husband & I best support & help him now?  It has taken about 2 years for our son to see that he needed help & once we quit enabling & sought help for his father & me and we began detaching with love, our son quickly fell to the bottom.  Now that he is coming home we wish to be supportive but not enabling him. How do we act around him?  How do we trust him?  We are somewhat lost now as to know what to do.  Can you help please?  

Thank you
CeeCee

Answer
Hello CeeCee,
Congratulations on your son's agreeing to go to treatment. It sounds as if you have already educated yourselves about enabling and detaching from your son's alcoholism. These are Al-Anon concepts, a program I highly recommend. The key on his return is to be supportive, but honest with your son about your concerns and reservations. Trust neeeds to be earned. I don't know your son's age, but will make a few suggestions about approaching the situation when he returns home. Since your son is living with you, I would suggest that you and he develop a contract, perhaps even in writing for clarity, setting forth expectations on both sides. For example, your expectations of your son might be: no drug or alcohol use, attendance of 12 Step meetings, letting you know when he will be late coming home or if he is not coming home, paying rent, doing his academics appropriately, or going to work. His expectations, (depending on age and circumstances), might include your treating him as an adult, not cross-examining him about how he is doing, where he's been, etc. Good luck,
Jan Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
Licensed Addictions Counseling Online
www.alcoholdrugsos.com