Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 8/13/2008

Question
I feel really odd asking this, But I was dating a guy for only a few months. Actually since April 18, 08. We really hit it off, I lives 4 hours from me and I am not able to go there as much as I wanted to. When I am with him he would drink alot, he would act out in his sleep-almost like he would have night terrors on the nights that he was drunk. Then I asked him to be with me while my Grandmother was in the hospital and the family was there cause we knew that she was going to pass away, He spent most of the weekend drunk. Then all of a sudden out of no place it was a Friday and we had been going back and fourth a little about the drinking. Well he wanted to go out and get drunk so he broke it off with me, I was devisited. Besides the Drinking, he is the man that I could be with for the rest of my life. I tried over and over again to talk to him that weekend and he would not answer. Then finally all of a sudden on Monday he calls me and says that he is on his way to see me, Thats really hard on me, I work full time and I had him on his way to talk to me. So I got off work early so he could talk to me, and all that he really said was that he has a problem with the drinking. He loves me and he wants to marry me and he wants to be and have a famly with me. He cried and he hugged me and of couse we slept together. Then when it was time for him to leave he just held me. Then he left. Things were fine the whole week. Even on Friday Morning he left me a voice mail that he was wishing me to have a good day and that he loved me and that he missed me. Well then Friday I got off work and I was really excited to talk to him and when I called him he was drinking and he was with his friends. I asked him why he was drinking and he said cause he wants to, Then I told him that it hurts me and I cant do that anymore, He said ok we are over then. Now he will not talk to me and he acts like I am not alive. Its killing me, I love him and I am having alot of trouble figuring out why alcohol is more important to him then I am. I asked if he met someone else and he says no, He just says that he has a problem. But he will not fix it, he will talk about it, but that all.
I miss him, I am a recovered alcoholic and the people that helped me the most were the ones that did not leave me. In my mind if I do not leave him all alone. I am thinking that I am helping him, But he will not reply to me and he will not talk to me.
I just need help understand how you can love someone ne minute and then not ever want to talk to them again???? Please help me. Please send me a E-mail. I have noticed that alot of the people with my same situation. The people in the relationship that drinks lives with a parent, Well this guy is 34 years old, He was divorced a year ago and since then he has lived with his parents. His Ex Wife left him. He said it was finanical reasons and they had to file Bankruptcy. She was Preg at one time and lost the baby. Then they found out that she could not have children. It was after that they divorced. He was so excited that I had two boys and he made them lots of promises, It breaks my Heart to know that he was lieing. I will be honest if he was not drinking all the time and he if lived more on his own I would love to have him back. I am in Accounting and I have done well for myself. I guess that all I really want to do is help him, But he will not speak to me and I did nothing wrong to him. Please explain this to me cause I am so confused. Please send it to my e-mail that I listed. I just dont know what to do right now. I am so hurt and upset. Please help me...

Answer
Dear Stacey,

It is obvious to me that your BF is an alcoholic and not willing to do something about at all. Addicts have no control over their life and are incapable of maintaining a significant supportive relationship. Their drugs of addiction will always take precedence of love for you. They are destroyers of marriages and and families. So if you have any self-respect I suggest you should stay clear of him if at all possible.

However if at any time he is motivated to seek treatment then you should understand that alcoholism is a disease like any other disease, and that can be treated in the hands of a nutritional psychologist, nutritional doctor or a clinical nutritionist. Please inform you and him of the following articles that may help him  to overcome his addiction if he is really motivated to do so. If not my advice is to stay clear of him.

Why Alcoholics Drink? at
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/WAD.html

Alcoholism (Addiction) is a Treatable Disease at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman